Unfortunately, I'm sometimes finding myself being criticized because I'm a working mother. "I could never dump my children in daycare and selfishly pursue my career," they sneer. I'm very supportive of those who are stay-at-home-moms by choice; however, there are many of us out here who want or need to work. There are both pros and cons to working vice staying home to raise a family. You won't find that issue debated here. The Career Coach feels very strongly that the decision to work or not to work is a personal choice, an important decision made after considering one's needs (intellectual, psychological, social, etc., as well as financial) and personal circumstances. So many spouses have told me that they feel pressured by others in the military community to have children, to stay home. If you visit some of the on-line parent chat groups, you might find some sessions that are frequented by stay-at-home-moms who are intolerant of anyone who is different. If so, just click your mouse and move on-- not all of those chatting are intent on flaming working moms (and you'll certainly find support here!).

If you want to see a report of the positive aspects of working parenthood, get a copy of She Works/He Works: How Two-Income Families are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off. Written by Rosalind C. Barnett and Caryl Rivers, the book summarizes the results of research sponsored by the National Institute of Mental Health. Their study involved 300 Boston-area dual-income couples, 60% of who had children. The results are somewhat reassuring to working parents. Granted, it wasn't a study of military families, but many of the other demographic factors identified paralleled those in studies of military families. (See also On Being Married to a Member of the Armed Forces.)

In any event, it is important to have something, whether it's a career, children, and/or hobbies, that captures your interest, sustains your love for life, and provides a sense of stability and continuity during your military partner's absences. Military deployments are endured much better by spouses who can occupy their thoughts and time productively; time passes more quickly when we are not continuously aware of the void left by our partner's absence. And, a study by the Navy found that deployed servicemembers whose spouses worked were generally more confident in their family's ability to manage in their absence-- thus helping the deployed sailors to worry less, and to more effectively devote their energy to their mission. Some of the other military family web sites provide more information on coping with deployments and adjusting to temporary single-parenthood (See Military Family Living Links).

This web site focuses on the role that a career can play in helping military spouses remain productive, self-fulfilled, and with a zest for life, throughout their military partner's career and beyond. When we are happy and well adjusted, it enables us to be a positive role model for our children, too, helping them to cope with the absence of their other parent. Pursuing your career also provides an increased measure of financial stability and self-sufficiency. Finally, while the focus of this web site is on careers, it is still important to keep all things in a healthy perspective. Take time to smell the flowers with your family!